BUY ME A CHOCOLATE KISS MARTINI?

BUY ME A CHOCOLATE KISS MARTINI?

No job, no money, need a drink!

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I Never Painted The Walls Of My Beach House..

A safe place. We all have them. This is where we go in our minds to relax, fall asleep, clear our minds, meditate. My beach house is where I go. It is a one-level, spread out beach house with steps down to the sand. I can picture bringing groceries in and putting them on the counter. I picture sitting on the water's edge. My mind has very vivid colors in my beach house. I have earth tone couches that you just sink in, I have comfy pillows. I also have a window seat (probably because my husband told me I couldn't have one when he built a house) so my window seat is very comfortable with flowered cushions and pillows. I have plants all around me. The beach house is all windows and it is very spacious. I can even hear the music in the background...

All these years and I never painted the walls of my beach house. Why? I can't really answer that. My walls have no color. There is nothing on the walls. Sometimes I feel that has been my emptiness spilling over on to the walls. I am now the happiest I have ever been in my life. I have a beautiful daughter, a terrific grandson, a wonderful daughter-in-law, my son is turning into a wonderful young man. My daughter and son are my rock. I have a wonderful man in my life who I love.

So why not paint the walls of my beach house? I am not ready yet. When will I be? I don't know. I am waiting for some things to fall into place and when they do. my walls will be painted. My beach house will be complete. No more planning, no more moving the furniture in my mind..no more - It will be a beach house filled with color!!

Oh by the way..if I ever write a book that will be the title.

"I FINALLY PAINTED THE WALLS OF MY BEACH HOUSE"

Mother and Daughter....

There is no relationship like a mother and daughter. You love, you fight, you cry, you bargain, you barter, you laugh, and you start all over again. Sometimes, something happens that just grabs your heart and won't let go and you have to write about it.

When my daughter was little I bought her a bell to hang on the tree every year. Well she is 25 now and she gave me a bell for Christmas...When I opened it we looked at eachother and no words were even needed..a few tears were shed and we both knew there was a connection from long ago with the wide eyed grin of a little girl and a young mom when it was just us against the world...

What has happened to Dating?

I don't mean hooking up or hanging out or getting together. I mean dating! I know so many people who are perfectly content to sit at home and be alone. They say that dating is too hard, you get hurt why bother?

The balance...

between the magic and the meaning...wow...this is interesting. I got this from a newsletter I receive from Libby Gill a personal coach, lecturer and author of the bestselling book "Traveling Hopefully."

"Finding the balance between the magic and the meaning. How do we do that? It is a tricky paradox to fall head-over-heels and keep our feet on the ground at the same time, but that is what we - myself included, need to learn to do. Head-over-heels so that we don’t let our own fear of pain thwart us from exploring what could be real love, full of possibility. And feet-on-the-ground so that we don’t throw ourselves head-long into love without taking the time to explore what needs to be mended or healed in ourselves before we are fully present for someone else."

Is this why my relationships keep failing? Do I need to be mended more than I thought I did? Am I not healed? Am I just going through the motions? Yes to all of these. I have finally had the realization that I am not healed, I am not mended. How long does it take to get over physical abuse, betrayal, infidelity, fear of your partner? I will tell you how long...It will take as long as it takes. But what is worse than one year is one year and one day. It has been three years and I am still haunted by my past. Still haunted so much that I bring it into each new relationship and somehow I keep them at arms length...can't get too close. If I don't let them get too close then they can't bring down that wall that thickens with each failure.

So I retreat..somehow I retreat every time. I blame it on them and I go back to my safe cocoon. No one can hurt me here. I am alone. I hate being alone, but somehow I make sure I end up that way due to the fear...

The balance between the magic and the meaning...instead of retreating I guess I need to attack this from another angle..but safe in my cocoon where no one can hurt me.

Island Getaway...

Anyone who knows me knows I want to go to Greece more than anything. I have wanted to do this for 30 years! Here are some beautiful pictures of Greece!

This is the veranda on the Island of Santorini I would like to be on...
Gorgeous!

If I ever get married again..it will be on this island. My dream island honeymoon..

Check out the web cams that change images in Santorini every 60 seconds!

http://www.santorini.net/volcano.html

He loves me...he loves me not...

Why is it that when you are in a relationship you tend to lose sight of who you are? You stop doing the things you enjoy..and kind of turn into a facade of who you choose to be at the time?

Why is it that we wait for someone to give us flowers? We wait for someone to decorate our own soul...

I have learned that kisses aren't contracts...and presents represent no promises. With every goodbye I learn and I learn...and I go right back out and wait for someone to give me flowers and decorate my soul...

Tomorrow, I am gonna buy me a gorgeous rose...and decorate my own soul...